Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Happy Little 500

*DISCLAIMER: I wrote this post partially for entertainment but more so for the purpose of endorsing a healthier state of mind when health is often the farthest thing from your consciousness (or lack thereof). This does not mean I encourage, promote, or participate in the following activities. This may or may not be satirical; that said, you are free to interpret it the way you like. NAMASTE

Unless you are looking to achieve super-senior status, this week marks the last hoo-rah for IU 2010 graduates. Campus is a-buzz once again with Little 500 fever (For those of you who don’t know, it is the equivalent of Mifflin at Madison WI, 4th of July on Big Island, or any other major event in which excessive binge drinking ensues.) After three years of experiencing this event first hand I thought I would offer my most sound advice on how to avoid reeking insurmountable havoc on your gut, derriere, thunder thighs, fat arms, et al.

Chase wisely- you are already ingesting a significant amount of sugar through the liquor so why make matters worse with empty calories? When possible, use chasers that have zero sugar such as soda water, crystal light, or sugar-free soda and juice. You’re less intensely hungover self will thank you in the morning.

Keep finances in check- no I don’t mean opening a tab (which I strongly discourage based on the level of ease it is to order 22 shots of patron, on YOU!) I’m talking about your calorie bank. Splurge as you like but know that means you need to save in another way. Drunk college kid translation: if you want a cheeseburger, don’t play beer pong. If you want to play beer pong, have a hamburger without a bun and scrounge for some veggies or fruit. Have small healthy snacks on hand so you a) don’t get too drunk, or b) don’t get too hungry you don’t have anything but cheeseburgers to eat, which you eat two of because now your really drunk and just don’t care and want to eat everything in sight.

2-4-6-8 HYDRATE- get over your lame frat-guy pride and order a glass of water. You’re dehydrated enough as it is drinking all day, do yourself a favor (and probably everyone else around you) and drink water, especially towards the end of the night. Chances are you’re probably sufficiently drunk as it is. If you can remember to drink it often throughout the day you will also feel less hungry (alcohol induces a false sense of hunger) and be less tempted by all the on-hand crap food.

Slow and steady wins the race- don’t be that guy/girl that starts pounding shots and ends up hugging the porcelain God by noon…..on a TUESDAY! Drink at your own pace because being the drunkest person at the party is social suicide. Not to mention at our age, succumbing to peer pressure is about as lame as Ed Hardy paraphernalia.

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